Hetalia: America's Adventure
by Zimthetim
Summary: This is a short story about America doing random crap. He also pairs up with Belarus
1. F ing awesome bomb

Hetalia: America's Adventure

Chapter 1: F***ing Awesome Bomb

America had just finished his new nuclear weapon he called:  
"F***ing awesome bomb!"  
America walked up to England.  
"Hey! England! Check out my new nuclear bomb!"  
England sighed.  
"How come this time it's a new nuke instead of a plane?"  
"Who freakin' cares? Please, England? Will you please come see my bomb?"  
"Oh, alright."

Later...

"HOLY CRAP! THIS BOMB IS F***ING AWESOME!"  
"I know! But what should we do with it?"  
"Want to drop it on Russia and start World-War III?"  
"Sure! Why don't we do that in one of my new planes?"  
"NO!"  
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... (F***ing awesome bomb)"

Later at Russia's house...

Russia is feeding Lithuania pancakes.  
"Hey Lithuania, want some pancakes?"  
"Yes, yes I do. But why are you offering them to me?"  
"Because I want to be nice for a change."  
"I'm not eating those pancakes. You poisoned them, didn't you?"  
"Oh no, why would I do that?"  
Russia's hides the poison behind his back.  
"Ok, I'll eat them."  
Russia feeds one to Lithuania. Lithuania spits it out.  
"This tastes like sh**!"  
Russia forces the pancakes down Lithuania's throat.  
"EAT IT! EAT IT, YOU UNGRATEFUL SON OF A B****!"  
Latvia stopped drying the dishes.  
"Dear god! Leave Lithuania alone!"  
Lithuania dies.  
"Lithuania! Lithuania! My brother! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
Lithuania coughes up the pancakes.  
"He's alive! He's alive!"  
Lithuania dies from the poison.  
"!"  
Lithuania builds an immunity to the poison and sits up.  
"He's alive!"  
Lithuania has a heart-attack.  
"!"  
Russia slaps his face. Then the doorbell rings. Latvia completely forgets about his brother and goes to answer the door. Russia goes over to Estonia.  
"Hey, Estonia, I heard from my russian moles that America and England are planning to bomb me with America's latest bomb, the f***ing awesome bomb in order to start WWIII."  
"Yes, my fellow commies said that they'll be arriving any minute now."  
"Say, where did Latvia go?"  
Latvia is opening the front door. Russia and Estonia run towards Latvia.  
"Latvia! No! It's a trap! !"  
Latvia opens the door and picks up the f***ing awesome bomb.  
"Hey Russia, look what I f-"  
Latvia, Russia, Estonia, Lithuania, and Russia's house blow up. America and England are hiding behind a bush, laughing.  
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"  
"Dude, that was hilarious!"  
"I say, it was!"  
"But I didn't want them to die, I wanted them to live so we could start WWIII."  
"America, that sounds so ridiculous! America starting WWIII? The country that's saving everyone's a**es started WWIII? Hahahahahahahaha!"  
"Hey! That's not funny!"  
"Sorry, I can't help it! Hahahahahahaha!"  
"England, you can go to Hell, alien friends, abduct him!"  
"What?"  
A U.F.O. comes out of nowhere and abducts England.  
"I won't be seeing him for a while."  
A car pulls up to Russia's house. Belarus steps out.  
"Oh noes! Belarus is madly in love with Russia and I just killed him and his servants! I'm gonna' die! Wait! I has an idea!"  
Belarus walks up to America.  
"Oh hey, America. Is Russia home?"  
"Oh no, no, he's not."  
"Hmm. Why does his house look like it's been blown to smitharines?"  
"Russia was doing evil experiments and things went wrong?"  
"That does make a lot of sense. Then who's that figure walking in the fire over there?"  
"Huh?"  
America turns around and sees Russia unscathed.  
"You can't kill me, America. And now that you've tried to, I'll try to kill you! But I'll do it later when you least expect it. For now I'll completely forget about it and have some Vodka. Want some?"  
"Well, I-"  
Belarus put a knife up to America's neck.  
"Ok, tell me what really happened! You said Russia wasn't home!"  
"I thought he wasn't."  
"Oh."  
Belarus let America go. America started checking Belarus out.  
"Hey, your pretty hot. Want the U.S.A. to come over to your place and help against terrorists if you know what I mean?"  
"WHAT?"  
"Nothing. Nothing."  
Belarus walked up to Russia.  
"I came to give you all that I have again."  
"Did you bring me my death-star that'll enslave the human-race?"  
"Only for a kiss."  
"... Make America turn around."  
"America? Can you please turn around?"  
"No!"  
"TURN AROUND!"  
"Ok. Ok. Ok."  
America turned around. Russia gave Belarus a kiss. Belarus put her hand on the back of Russia's head and prolonged the kiss. Russia escaped from Belarus's grasp.  
"Hey! Not cool."

"..."

"Can I have the Death-Star thingy now?"  
"Yeah, sure..."  
Belarus handed Russia the Death-Star which somehow fit into Russia's house. America gasped.  
"Wait, I thought I blew your house up man."  
"Not only is Russia Immortal, but his house is too! I'm just awesome like that."  
"Oh..."  
"...Vodka?"  
"No thankyou."  
"Vodka?"  
"I just said 'No thankyou.'."  
"Vodka?"  
"Really? Really?"  
"Vodka?"  
"Hey um, you don't like Belarus, right?"  
"Not really..."  
"Ok, I wants to go out with her, so if you can somehow influence her to go out with me, then I'll keep her out of your hair."  
"Vodka?"  
"I'm serious."  
"$50 an hour, IF you survive... Vodka?"  
"Ok, see you later."


	2. Russia, Latvia, and Estonia's part

Chapter 2: What Russia, Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania did during the Carnival

America knocked on Russia's door.  
"Hello?"  
"So um,... Can you go influence Belarus to go to the carnival with me?"  
"Hold on a minute... BELARUS! There's someone here for you!"  
Belarus arrives.  
"Belarus, if you love me, then you will go with America and have a good time with him at the canrival."  
"I so ever love you, russia! C'mon America! We have a carnival to go to!"  
Russia locks the door, the back door, blocks the fireplace, and boards up the windows.  
"Yes! This should give me twelve full hours without Belarus! MUAHAHAHAHA! Now, I can do what I want without having to worry about her killing me for it! Latvia! Estonia! Lithuania! To the Sex Dungeon!"  
"Oh, god! Not the Sex Dungeon! Everyone hide!"  
Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania hide.  
"You can hide but I'll always be in your dreams!"  
Latvia went in his room and locked the door. He went on to his bed and fell asleep. He got off the bed. "Maybe Russia's gave up already."  
He opened the door and walked into a gigantic fiery hole with Russia's Maniacal laughter in the background. He landed in the middle of a forest he had never seen before. Russia's voice could be heard.  
"One, two, Russia's coming for you. Three, four, better lock the door. Five, six, get a crucifix. Seven, Eight, Better stay up late. Nine, ten, never sleep again!"  
Lithuania was hiding in the bathroom with the door locked (Of course). Then he heard what sounded like Latvia screaming. "Latvia! Your loss was not in vain!"  
Then he heard the door-knob jiggle.  
"I know your in there, Lithuania..."  
Lithuania just stood there.  
"You think I can't reach you? You forgot about the toilet!"  
Lithuania clogged the toilet with toilet-paper.  
"Very smart. But can you clog the ventilation system?"  
"No."  
"Yes! Hahahahahahaha!"  
Lithuania knew he was trapped unless he left through the door. He opened it and on the other side was Russia.  
"But- But how?"  
"Your an idiot. Did you actually think I could fit through the toilet or the ventilation system?"  
"No. No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
Estonia heard Lithuania scream. He was hiding in Russia's room because he saw this as an oppurtunity to see what Russia's room looked like. Apparently, it was just like any other. Estonia heard the door-knob got an idea because he was the smartest of his three brothers. He opened up the door where Russia was.  
"Awwwwwwwww. Are you giving up? I like it better when you guys struggle."  
Estonia kicked Russia in the balls. "AAAAH! MY FOOT!"  
"Yeah, that's right! I got balls of steel!"  
"Are they powerful enough to stop a speeding bullet?"  
Estonia pulled out a pistol and shot Russia's balls. The bullet ricochet off his nuts and penetrated Estonia's leg.  
"Hahahahaha! Now your immobilized!"  
Russia picked up Estonia by his uninjured leg.  
"Sex Dungeon, here we come!"  
Estonia grabbed on to the sides of the door.  
"No! No! I, do not, want, to be, GAAAAAAY!"  
"Estonia, you are and will always be gay."  
"I deny it so!"  
"Search your feelings, you know it to be true!"  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

11 hours later...

Belarus and America opened the door to find Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania all naked, chained to the wall and Russia was naked also.  
"Woah."  
America took a picture with his cell-phone. Then he called Britain.  
"'Ello?"  
"Hey Britain! It's me, America!"  
"Hey America! Wassuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!"  
"! Dude, you'll never believe it!"  
"What?"  
"Russia, Latvia, Estonia, and Lithu-something-"  
"It's Lithuania!"  
"-,and Lithuania are all gay!"  
"No way!"  
"Yeah, I'll send you a picture right now!"  
"Dude!"  
"I know!"  
"Oh man!"  
"I know!"  
"F***ing awesome bomb!"

"What?"  
"Why do you keep referring to that?"

"Ok, look. I know my bomb is f***ing awesome but your just taking it way too far."  
"But- F***ing awesome bomb?"  
"Ok, I'll call you later man."  
"Ok, Later."  
America put his cellphone put away to find a brutally beat-up Russia and an extremely mad Belarus.  
"Woah. What happened while I was on my cell-phone?"  
Belarus slapped Russia in the face.  
"What could possess you to do this? You Russians these days have no respect for women!"  
"I'm Sorry! I'm Sorry! I won't do it again!"  
"Saying Sorry isn't enough! No... There must be a sacrifice! A human sacrifice!"  
"Your crazy, man! Your crazy!"  
"I was just joking."  
"Oh. Can-"  
"SHUTUP! Thou must atone for thy sins!"  
"Nooooo! Please don't send me to Hell!"  
Russia dissapeared. Five seconds later Russia came back.  
"What? What happened?"  
"Satan said I was so annoying I had to leave."  
"Fine then. I shall send you somewhere even more vile and horribly twisted than Hell."  
"No."  
"I shall send to spend eternity at Chucky Cheese with Billy Maze!  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO-"  
Russia dissapeared. Russia reaapeared in Chucky Cheese.  
"Hi, it's Billy Maze here with Oxi-Clean!"  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
Meanwhile on Earth...  
"America!"  
"What?"  
"Your my new boyfriend!"  
"No, I think I'm fine."  
"I wasn't asking you."  
"Belarus, you need help. Meanwhile I'm going to make a run for the safety of my house."  
Later...  
Britain is sitting in his home sipping tea when he hears a knock on the door. He goes up to the door but doesn't open it.  
"Who is it?"  
"For the love of Uncle Sam, open the door!"  
"America? Why should I?"  
Belarus's voice can be heard.  
"Where are you America?"  
"Because Belarus is chasing me with AK-47's!"  
"Well maybe if I got an apology from you for having me abducted by your alien friends, I might open it."  
"This is no time for apologizing! Just let me in!"  
Belarus steps out of from behind a tree.  
"There you are."  
"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! NOW PLEASE LET ME IN!"  
Britain opened the door and America runs in. Britain closes the door and unlocks it.

End of Chapter 


	3. America and Belarus's part yodiggidy dog

Chapter 3: What America and Belarus did during the carnival.

America and Belarus are at the carnival. Belarus sees a cute pink bear.  
"America! I want it! NOW!"  
"Belarus, we're going to spend a fortune TRYING to get it. Let's go."  
"I WANT IT AND I WANT IT NOW!"  
"Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok."  
America walks up to the stall and pulls out five dollars out of his wallet. "I'd like to try and win this stuffed bear please."  
The man hands him three baseballs. America throws and misses. He throws again, and misses. He throws again, and misses. "Sorry, Belarus."  
Belarus punches America. Then she grabs a baseball and chucks it at the man.  
"GIVE ME THE BEAR!"  
"OK! I WILL! JUST DON'T HURT MEHEHEHE!"  
By the end of the day, Belarus has like fifthty bears that America has to carry back to the car. Then they go back to the carnival.  
"So Belarus, wanna' play Scooby-doo?"  
"Scooby-doo is gay."  
"Fine then. Wanna' play CSI?"  
"OOH! I love CSI!"  
"Ok. Let's start by investigating that port-a-potty."  
"Ok."  
They both go inside the port-a-potty.  
"It's getting hot in here. Let's take our clothes off."  
"Ok."  
They do so.  
"Oh no. You look like your about to pass out! I'll perform C.P.R.!"  
America and Belarus make out.  
"It's getting cold. Maybe, if we have sex, the motion will keep us warm."  
"Let's do it."  
America and Belarus have sex.

5 hours later...

"It's getting late. Maybe we should go home."  
America starts putting his clothes on.  
"America! Don't! The clothes will make us too hot on the way back. But if we have sex on the way back, the motion we'll keep our bodies at a perfect temperature."  
"...Um... You do realize that I made all that up right? We can't go naked in public, it's illegal."  
"TAKE THEM OFF!"  
"OH GOD! DON'T HURT ME!"

France, Germany, and Japan are all walking home from the carnival. France seems to notice something.  
"Hey. What's that? Is that- America and- Belarus- Doing it?"  
Germany looks away. Japan looks away. France pulls out his cellphone. America notices.  
"France! If you take one picture, I'm gonna' kill you!"

Later...

America finishes shoving all the stuffed animals into the car. Belarus and America get in the car. "Hey America?"  
"Whatever it is, no."  
"We should have sex on the way home while driving!"  
"That's even worse than driving while drunk!"  
"Please? Come on."  
"Do I really have to? I'm kind of getting tired and I might get a rash."  
"DO IT, OR I SHALL STICK YOU IN THE IRON-MAIDEN!"  
"Fine..."

Later...

America and Belarus arrive at Russia's house. In Soviet Russia, House arrive at you! (You got to think on this one. Seriously. Do it right now. DO IT OR I SHALL STICK YOU IN THE IRON-MAIDEN!).  
America and Belarus walk up to the front steps. Belarus and America opened the door to find Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania all naked, chained to the wall and Russia was naked also.  
"Woah."  
America took a picture with his cell-phone. Then he called Britain. Belarus pulled out a sword. Everyone but America who was on the phone's mouth dropped.  
"Where'd you get the sword?"  
"Um... in... my... arsenal... of... weapons?"

"OH SHUT UP! Your the one about to die anyways!"  
"Belarus, It's not what you think! I can explain!"  
"Explain it then!"  
"Uh... D***! I can't think of an excuse! But atleast I can still escape! Form of a pterodactyl!"

"Dang it! It's not working!"  
The rest of this chapter was covered in Chapter 2.

End of Chapter. 


	4. America and Britain vs Belarus

Chapter 4: America + Britain vs. Belarus

"Ok, America. I think there's only one thing we can do now."  
"What's that?"  
"Kill Belarus."  
"Do we really have to kill her?"  
"Well, she's freaking' annoying, she's stupid, she won't leave you alone, and she's evil."  
"Ok. But how are we going to kill Satan herself?"  
"Ok, here's the plan."  
Britain shows America the plan.  
"Got it!"

Later at Russia's house...

Russia, Ukraine, and Britain are all in the same room. America comes in.  
"She's coming!"  
"Ok, just like we rehearsed gentlemen!"  
America pulls out two AK-47's and hides behind a couch. Britain gets bitten by a radio-active spider, and turns into Spider-Britain. (I know that sounded really gay but it's important, folks.) Britain climbs up onto the ceiling with two AK-47's. Russia and Ukraine take all their clothes off and start having sex on the couch. Belarus comes in. She gasps.  
"Russia? and Ukraine? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIALLLLLLLLLLLL!"  
Belarus pulls out a sword and charges them. America jumps out from behind the couch and fires at Belarus until he runs out of ammo. Belarus is still standing.  
"Only silver bullets can kill me!"  
Russia gasps. "Holy crap! She's more evil than me! I'm out of here!"  
Russia jumps out the window. Ukraine notices.  
"RUSSIA! MY LOVE! COME BACK!"  
She jumps out the window after him. Belarus is focused on America.  
"America, why did you run away from your wife? Why did you try to kill your wife?"  
America backs up to the wall.  
"STAY AWAY FROM ME! YOU WEREWOLF!"  
"Oh, I'm not just a werewolf, I'm a vampire too. So I guess that makes me a Werepire. Or a Vamwolf. Wait."  
"Ok, look. If you start out as a vamp and get bitten by a werewolf, your a Vamwolf. If you start out as a werewolf and get bitten by a vampire, your a werepire."  
"I'm a Vamwolf then. Anyways, I'll convert you and then we can be together, forever!"  
"STAY AWAY FROM ME!"  
Britain is still on the ceiling, gets an idea. He takes his gun and shoots his foot to distract Belarus with blood. Britain jumps off the ceiling.  
"Britain! I should of known this was your doing."  
Britain charges Belarus. Belarus charges Britain. Britain shoves a clove of garlic into Belarus's mouth.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
Belarus disintegrates. America walks up to Britain.  
"It's over. It's finally over!"  
Britain turns to America.  
"Hey, America, killing Belarus made me realize the way I truly feel about you. I like you America."  
"I like you too, Britain. But what will the others think?"  
"Frankly, I don't care."  
Britain and America started making out.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
America woke up. He looked to his right.  
"It's ok, America, Belarus is here."  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
Belarus woke up. She looked to her right.  
"It's ok, Belarus, Russia's here."  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
Russia woke up. He looked to his right. Nobody was there. He looked to his left.  
"It's ok, Russia, Ukraine is here."  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

End of Chapter and Book. Thanks for reading! 


End file.
